Additions (Excluding Draft Picks): Nicklas Backstrom (trade), Claude Giroux (trade), Cory Schneider (trade), David Backes (trade), David Savard (trade), Tyler Bozak (FA), Luke Glendening (FA), Fedor Tyutin (FA), Matt Carle (FA), Dustin Jeffrey (FA), Michael Raffl (FA), Luke Gazdic (FA), Frazer McLaren (FA)
Subtractions: Derek Stepan (trade), Thomas Vanek (trade), Jonathan Bernier (trade), Jimmy Howard (trade), Cam Fowler (trade), Milan Lucic (trade), Sam Gagner (trade), Tyler Toffoli (trade), Oliver Bjorkstrand (trade), Anthony Duclair (trade), Daniel Audette (trade), Alexander Semin (unsigned), Dennis Seidenberg (unsigned), Lubomir Visnovsky (unsigned), Keaton Ellerby (unsigned)
Promotions: Reid Boucher (Y3 BOM5), Jacob Trouba (Y4 WOR1), Mathew Dumba (Y4 BOM1)
This has been the busiest offseason for the team. Bombers GM downed multiple bottles of Aberlour scotch, and then went trading like a drunken sailor.
The only two players left from the Bombers inaugural season is Clarke MacArthur and Michael Frolik.
The team first picked up Storm’s sloppy 3rds (he wasn’t even good enough to play on the top 2 line on Storm) by picking up Nicklas Backstrom (picture left, Backstrom caught red handed with performance enchancing drugs at Sochi).
Backstrom's ability to procure certain substances as demonstrated at the Winter Olympics will come in handy to the team.
Bombers GM then decided that the key to winning is directly correlated to how many asses are grabbed on the team and promptly picked up Claude Giroux (picture right). While Nespresso previously owned Giroux, a caffeine-laced ass grabber is nowhere near as effective as an ass-grabber on whatever Backstrom can procure. There were clear synergies associated with acquiring these two players.
Forwards: The team has always lacked a true #1 center, and obtained three this year, trading for Backstrom, Giroux, and Backes (picture left). Backes was brought on due to his love for animals - Bombers GM decided that having so many animals around is useful for testing the substances that Backstrom brings in - again, the key theme here was synergies. It's cheaper to test on animals than on the players themselves, and the team can maximize the drug and players potential.
These players replace the void left by the departure of Alexander Semin and trading away team favourites, Thomas Vanek and Derek Stepan. The team will miss all the semen jokes in the locker room with Semin thrust out of the team. Bombers GM realized that Milan Lucic was made expendable with the development of Patrick Maroon (although Maroon has a long ways to go before he is anywhere at that same level). The biggest loss was Tyler Toffoli, who is expected to be an inexpensive top 6 option in the future. Bozak was brought on to mentor the youngsters in the farm and is expected to be brought up during the playoffs. New addition Glendening will man the PK and defensive 4th line.
Defense: Getting Giroux required giving away talent, and the team said goodbye to Cam Fowler, who was initially expected to man the power play. Visnovsky and Ellerby were not resigned in the offseason, given the team’s depth at defense.
Trouba (picture left) will play a crucial role on the team, provided he does not get injured, given his low DU. As a result of the various departures, Matt Carle and Fedor Tyutin were brought on to strengthen the 3rd pairing during the playoffs, while David Savard was brought on board for cap purposes.
Goal: The weakness in net forced Bombers GM to trade for Cory Schneider this year to push for a cup. The team traded away Bernier as part of the compensation package to obtain Cory Schneider (picture right) and then dealt away Jimmy Howard to obtain additional cap space to maximize the team’s forward depth.
Concession Stands: The concession stand will greatly miss Cam Fowler, who manned the booth all of last year (picture left).
The team expects the signing of various burger flippers like Dustin Jeffrey, Frazer McLaren and Luke Gazdic will fill the void. The team sadly acknowledges, that nobody can fill a cup of brew like Fowler.
On the positive side, crowd control at the arena has never been stronger with McLaren and Gazdic and their truculence.