Bombers/Hellpeak '24 Draft Class

Adam Jiricek (D, 23th pick, Picture Left)

Here's a guy, who has had two knee injuries AND a concussion to boot.  He couldn't produce worth sh** in the men's Czechia league.  Most importantly, there's only a 15% probability he'll make the NHL based on precedent players with similar stats.  Great way to gamble on a valuable 23rd pick! With all the injury problems, at least he looks smart enough to work in Bomber's back office, with those glasses and all. 

Macklin Celebrini (F, 1st pick, Picture Left)

Macklin who?  It was the same reaction another GM had of Bomber's player - "No thanks, never heard of Josh Norris".  Look at the f***ing halo around Macklin in the picture- it's like he's a saint.  And he probably is, given how poorly Hellpeak has been run, so he's the team's only path to salvation.  But it's clear one person won't turn things around by himself - take a look at McDavid, Sergachev, and Boeser; they couldn't fix the titanic either! 

Ben Danford (D, 47th pick, Most Current Picture of Ben on Right)

Low upside, check.  Can't score, check.  Defensive D, check.  Drafted by the two worst franchises in the NHL and BFHL respectively, check.  Ben's gonna fit right in.  Some people argue, he was hampered because he was playing on his off-side most of the season.  Others argue that you can't argue with a Wes Clark pick.  Well, I'd argue, when Wes is looking to draft for Dubas, he ain't thinking about helping Toronto when was picking Benny boy here. Some people would also argue, the worst team in the NHL is actually the Canucks - you say tomato, I say tomatoe.

Matvei Gridin (F, 34th pick, Picture Right)

That's right, get to know Matty here - committed to U of Mich.  Too bad he was too stupid and Michigan wouldn't allow him infect his stupidity to the rest of the Wolverines, so he's decommitted now and going from a good league in the USHL to one of the crappiest major junior leagues in the QMJHL. 

Jakub Milota (G, 105th Pick, Picture Left)

"He didn't make our goalie list, as we view him more as a capable junior goalie who will likely have a professional career, in Europe rather than the NHL." 

Sounds like a typical Bombers pick.  We're hoping Mitch Korn will be able to weave his magic to turn him into something though. 

Harrison Brunicke (D, 55th Pick, Picture Left)

Hellpeak met its DEI initiatives by drafting the first South African skater in history (Olaf Kolzig was first goalie), a white dude, whose dad is mos-def upper middle class since pappa Brunicke worked for Accenture. 

Brunicke gets people excited watching him.  He can generate offense, but he can't play defense worth crap, so at least the fans will be entertained. 

Linus Eriksson (F, 58th Pick, Picture Right)

Hellpeak fans are calling for blood. Eriksson is another low ceiling, high floor, defensive useless player. Eriksson was captain for Sweden's U18 squad, so at least he has that useful LD stat that BFHL loves oh so much and helps people win BFHL cups with it....oh wait, no, you gain shit all with a high LD stat....

Nathan Villeneuve (F, 82nd Pick, Picture Left)

Nathan's a tough guy, taking on all 5'9" of Connor Lockhart here in the picture.  He's also automatically promoted to take over Hellpeak's social media accounts, given that Nathan received the glorious 15 game suspension for inappropriate social media usage in the OHL. 

Villeneuve's excuse for his poor stats this year is because he played behind guys like Goyette, Dvorsky, and Musty, and was relegated to the 3rd line, and 2PP.  At least during the regular season, he amassed better primary points per minute than Sennecke, Luchanko, and multiple first round NHL draft picks. 

Kirill Zarubin (G, 106th Pick, Picture Right)

Kirill started the season with AKM Junior, one of the worst teams in the MHL, and got promoted to AKM.  Whatever, nobody cares - he's a goalie.  Drafting goalies is like the lottery.  Some will hit.  Most will not. 

Dmitri Gamzin (G, 111th Pick, No Picture)

Gamzin plays for CSKA - yes, the same team whose goalie coach joined the Islanders recently, and explicitly asked the Islanders to draft Gamzin.  As a matter of fact, Gamzin was drafted BEFORE Marcus Gidlof, to give you a sense of how much confidence the Islanders have in Gamzin.  Gamzin will likely have a year more in the KHL and then come over to N.A.